Angie and Sharice Take a Walk Through Middleearth
by Obi Cadaver
Summary: Angela and Sharice unwiitingly fall into Middle-earth by means of a mysteriously placed rock during a Downtown Disney "photo shoot." What are two extremely reckless and somewhat sadistic fangirls to do? Take an axe to it!
1. Shortcut to Bananas

Angela and Sharice Take a Stroll Through Middle-earth  
  
Chapter 1: Shortcut to Bananas  
  
A long time ago, (actually, just a few days ago) in a place far, far away, (from all of you, that is,) there lived two girls named Angela and Sharice. They were some of the worst kind of girls, that is, they were fan-girls. This simply means that if you were some gorgeous, drop-dead, good-lookin' kinda guy, you would not want to be trapped alone in a dark alley with them. Angela was a Final Fantasy fan-girl, though at times she was a Lord of the Rings fan. Sharice was an N'sync fan-girl, particularly Justin Timberlake, to the dismay of her friends.  
  
On this magical mystical night, (to the misfortune of all,) Angela and Sharice were hyper. They, with Sharice's dad, traveled to the magical mystical land of Downtown Disney in Anaheim, California. They each had their own personal agendas in mind. Sharice's dad hoped for some beautiful scenery to photograph, as he thought he was a photographer. Angela, with her own camera, didn't care what she photographed, as long as he was hot. Sharice was looking for some excruciatingly hot guy to ogle, stalk, and haunt for the rest of his days.  
  
Somehow, the three of them managed to find a dark, romantic, secluded corner amidst the shopping malls and restaurants. Sharice's dad immediately whipped out his camera. Flash after blinding flash ripped through the air, damaging the sight of Angela and Sharice, whom he was trying to pretend he didn't know.  
  
"Ew. dark. I hate the dark." Sharice said, crushing Angela's arm. Angela was too busy trying figure out how to get the flash on her camera to work to scream for her poor arm, which was starting to turn red from the powerful force of Sharice's nails.  
  
Sharice's dad sighed, and quickened his pace, trying desperately to lose them. It would've worked too. and it did. Well, don't look at me like that! It did!  
  
"Um. Angie." Sharice started.  
  
"Not now Sharice! I've nearly got the flash on my camera to work, which is more important than the fact that we are currently losing your dad and that we could get lost or worse."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Angie!"  
  
"I said not now!"  
  
"But Angie."  
  
"Got it!" Angela shouted, holding up her camera in triumph.  
  
"Angie!"  
  
"What? What is your problem?" Angie shouted, irritated that Sharice did not immediately applaud the success of finding the "Charge the Flash button" in huge letters that could be read easily even in the dark.  
  
"My dad is gone!" Sharice whined.  
  
Angela looked around, eating a banana. "Wow. So he is."  
  
"Hey," Sharice asked, "where did you get that banana?"  
  
Angela took a few terrified steps back, holding her banana protectively. "It's mine! I found it! MINE!"  
  
"Give it!" Sharice shouted.  
  
"No!" Angela screamed and started to run. Sharice began to chase after her.  
  
Angela ran and ran until she tripped over a conveniently yet mysteriously placed rock. As she fell, her poor banana went flying through the air.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
O!" screamed Angela and Sharice.  
  
"Ow!" they heard someone say.  
  
Angela and Sharice climbed out of the conveniently yet mysteriously placed bushes that appeared magically yet mysteriously from nowhere. They found to their horror, the banana had hit some short bum with hairy feet and curly brown hair, right in the eye.  
  
"Bastard! That was my only banana!" Angela screamed, and began to beat the living tar out of him. He immediately began to cry.  
  
"Um, Angie."  
  
"Don't try to hold me back! He killed my banana!"  
  
"Angie! You moron! He's not alone! Look!" She pointed to his eight friends, who were looking rather confused. There were three other guys who looked like the little guy Angela was currently beating, a guy who looked kinda like Merlin, a guy with a really big axe, a shaggy looking person, some other guy, and a God with blue eyes and long blonde hair.  
  
Angela looked up and her eyes popped out of her skull. Sharice helped her put them back in.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked the cute one. (The blonde, just in case you were wondering.)  
  
"I. I. Um. I." Angela stammered professionally. Sharice just rolled her eyes.  
  
"We're sorry. My friend Angela mistook your friend for a rock."  
  
"Don't listen! They are witches. or something." Said the other guy. Fortunately, everyone ignored him, which seemed to be the usual.  
  
"Well, you have to admit, Frodo does look rather rockish." One of the Frodo clones said.  
  
"I resent that!" Frodo spoke up.  
  
"Frodo? Your name is Frodo?" Angela asked.  
  
"Yes, I am Frodo Bag."  
  
"Shut up, nobody cares about you!" Angela replied. "Let's see. if he's Frodo, then you must be. Gandalf, Gimli, Aragorn, Legolas, Merry, Pippin and Sam!"  
  
"You forgot me!" said Boromir.  
  
"Who are you?" Angela asked. "Well, never mind. If I can't remember you, you must not have done anything important anyways."  
  
"How do you know our names?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I read the book! Look." she whipped out her copy of the Fellowship of the Ring.  
  
"You carry a copy of the book with you?" Sharice asked.  
  
"Everywhere I go!" Angela answered.  
  
"Hey, can I see it?" Sam asked.  
  
"No! Get your own." She said.  
  
Sam pouted.  
  
"Listen, we have no time for this. The eight of us." Gandalf started.  
  
"Nine." Boromir corrected.  
  
"Eight of us are on a very dangerous mission."  
  
"A dangerous mission! Cool!" Angela said, and latched herself onto Legolas' arm. "Field Trip partners! I pick Legolas!"  
  
"This is so stupid. I hate the Lord of the Rings! This would be so much more interesting if Justin Timberlake was here." Sharice complained, eating a banana.  
  
Suddenly, Justin Timberlake appeared in a puff of smoke. He looked around, somewhat confused.  
  
"Yay!" Sharice screamed, tossing her banana aside. The banana hit Frodo in his other eye.  
  
Justin looked around and saw Sharice. "You again! I thought I had a restraining order on you!"  
  
"Those don't exist here, baby!" Sharice said ecstatically.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Justin screamed, now terrified. He took a terrified step back, raising his arms in the air, smacking Gandalf in the face. Gandalf took a pained step back- off a conveniently placed cliff, where he fell to his death.  
  
"Oh my God! Gandalf's dead!" screamed Pippin.  
  
"No I'm not. I think I'm okay-" Just then, he was eaten by a Balrog.  
  
"Oh God. now he's dead." sighed Merry.  
  
"No I'm not. I think I'm getting better."  
  
"You're dead enough!" screamed Sharice.  
  
"Yes. and Justin killed him!" Aragorn said, pulling out his sword. "We have to kill Justin!"  
  
"We do?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Actually, probably not. but God is he ugly." Aragorn replied.  
  
"No he's not!" Sharice shouted in a rage.  
  
"You can't kill me!" Justin said, ducking behind Boromir.  
  
Aragorn took a swing at Justin with his sword, of course, hitting Boromir; but as Boromir died in great and terrible agony, no one seemed to notice. So try not to feel sorry for him. Come on, he wasn't all that important anyways!  
  
"Ha! It worked! I didn't think it would." and with that, Justin fell flat on his face.  
  
"Oh my God, baby! Are you okay?" Sharice screamed and ran to him.  
  
"You won't get away!" Aragorn yelled.  
  
Justin screamed like a girl, and ran away.  
  
"Wait for me!" Sharice screamed, and ran away after him.  
  
"No! Now we have to go after them!" Angela yelled, still clinging to Legolas' arm.  
  
"Don't you think we should help Frodo take the Ring to Mordor? As the fate of the free world depends on it." Legolas suggested, trying in desperation trying to pry Angela off of him. Gimli handed him a crowbar.  
  
"Um. I think I could stand to bear the Ring for a little while longer." Frodo said.  
  
"Really? Wow, you hobbit's really are strong." Gimli said in wonder.  
  
"Actually, it's all the hobbit weed. Works really well as a pain med." Frodo replied, taking a puff.  
  
"Besides, it's MY story! So I say we all ride off into the sunset to avenge Gandalf's death!" Angela said. Legolas' arm began to turn blue.  
  
"Um. okay. But first we'll need some horses to ride off into the sunset." Aragorn said.  
  
"Oh come now. this is Middle-earth? How hard could it be to find some frickin' horses?" Angela said. 


	2. The Rental Square

Angela and Sharice Take a Stroll Through Middle-earth  
  
Chapter 2: The Rental Square  
  
Angela (still clinging Legolas' poor arm) and Legolas and Merry and Pippin and Aragorn and Gimli and Frodo and Sam *gasp* wandered aimlessly into Lothlorien where they found a string of little shops. The first shop they saw had a golden sign outside that read: "Tina's Transportation Shop."  
  
"Hey," Angela asked, "do you think we could find some horses in there?"  
  
"One would imagine." Gimli replied.  
  
"I wasn't talking to YOU." Angela screamed. She then turned to Legolas. "Do YOU think we could find some horses there?"  
  
"I guess." Legolas replied.  
  
"Yay! Let's go!" Angela said ecstatically, and began to drag Legolas along.  
  
Behind them, Gimli whispered to Aragorn: "I think we should kill her before her joy and mirth gets to be annoying."  
  
Aragorn nodded solemnly and walked behind Angela and Legolas. The Hobbits waddled after, hopelessly plastered from the dangerous fumes of Frodo's Hobbit crack.  
  
Angela and Legolas were already in the building. Tina sat at the front desk. Surrounding her were pictures of just about every shiny car you could possibly think of.  
  
"I didn't know there were cars in Middle-earth." Angela said.  
  
"Cars? There's no such thing! We're in Middle-earth!" Tina said.  
  
"Then what are the pictures of cars for?" Angela asked.  
  
"Pleasure." Tina replied.  
  
A silence ensued.  
  
"Look, it doesn't matter, as long as we can get some horses!" Aragorn put in.  
  
"Sorry, we're all out of horses." Tina said.  
  
"For a Lance Bass doll?" Angela bribed.  
  
"GIMME." Tina said. Angela handed her the Lance Bass doll. Tina grabbed it greedily and cuddled it.  
  
"Where does she have room for all that stuff?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"Well." Tina said after she had cuddled Lance's head off, "now that I think of it, we do have this camel."  
  
"A camel?" Aragorn asked. "I don't know.. I've never ridden a camel before."  
  
"Oh, but it's a very good camel!" Tina cried. "Trust me; it's just like riding a horse!"  
  
"Well, okay." Aragorn relented."  
  
"Good. Oh, but I should warn you. this camel has just one teensy weensy problem with it."  
  
"And what is that?" asked Aragorn suspiciously.  
  
"Well, the camel needs to be jacked off every 100 feet, or it will stop."  
  
Another silence ensued.  
  
"What does that mean?" Pippin asked.  
  
"You know. I think we'll walk it." Angela said, and dragged Legolas out of the building like a dog on a leash.  
  
The Fellowship then decided to patrol the rest of the Rental square to see what they could see. They stopped in front of a shop with a sign in front of it that read: "Todrey's Anime Supply Shop and Army of the Undead Rental." On the door was a poster of one of those heavily endowed, scantily clad female sluts that both empowered women and objectified them at the same time. The entire Fellowship's eyes widened and mouth's dropped, saved Angela, who didn't care about women.  
  
"No! The temptation! I must think of Arwen! Arwen! Arwen!" Aragorn muttered, and covered his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Said Legolas, covering his eyes.  
  
"Ditto." Said Gimli, averting his eyes.  
  
"Hey, why are you guys thinking of Arwen?  
  
"We never said we were." Legolas replied.  
  
"Yeah but. I. uh. AW DAMNS IT!!!" Aragorn said.  
  
Angela chuckled. "Gotcha with their legal mumbo jumbo did they?"  
  
"Shut up." Aragorn spat.  
  
And so the Fellowship moved on. Next door to the Anime Shop, was a shop with a sign that read: "Staci the Interdimensional Pimp's Bordello for Male Whores."  
  
"Ooooooh curious." Angela said, and walked in. The Fellowship walked in reluctantly behind.  
  
"God bless you!" Staci shouted as they entered. She was dressed in a big overcoat with a felt hat and carried around a cane.  
  
"Who you got today?" Angela asked.  
  
"We've got everything! Who do you want?" Staci asked.  
  
"Um. how about Cloud?" Angela asked.  
  
"He's on vacation."  
  
"Vincent?"  
  
"He's got aids."  
  
"Ouch. uh. Kuja?"  
  
"Okay then. how about. Legolas?"  
  
"What?" Legolas asked, extremely confused, being the blonde that he is.  
  
"Legolas? He's free tonight."  
  
"Cool! I'll take him."  
  
"But I'm right here!" Legolas whined. Behind him, the Hobbits found some condoms, which they slipped onto bananas, and began hitting each other with them.  
  
"Let's see. you're in luck! Today's Monday, so he's on sale for only twenty cents!"  
  
Angela gave Staci twenty cents.  
  
"BUT I'M RIGHT HERE!" Legolas said, and began to cry.  
  
"Thank you, Miss. And here's the whore you ordered."  
  
Legolas disappeared in a puff of smoke. and Squall reappeared in his place.  
  
"Hey! I ordered Legolas, not Squall!" Angela said in a rage.  
  
"Sorry! No refunds!" Staci shouted and made her getaway in her Cadillac.  
  
"I thought there were no cars in Middle-earth." Sam said.  
  
"Never you mind! We have to save Legolas!" Angela said.  
  
"Why?" Gimli asked.  
  
"Why? Because no one wants to know what she does to her whores on Thursday nights!"  
  
"Oh my God! And it's only Wednesday!" shouted Frodo, before passing out.  
  
"What does she do to her whores on Thursday nights?" Pippin asked. Merry slapped Pippin.  
  
"Inspection." Angela replied.  
  
The Fellowship gave an involuntary shudder.  
  
"So what do we do?" Merry asked?"  
  
"Follow that Cadillac!" Angela shouted.  
  
So the Fellowship and Angela and Squall trudged out of the shop. Aragorn eyed Squall suspiciously.  
  
"My CG's better than yours." Squall said.  
  
"That does it!" Aragorn screamed and tackled Squall. Angela laughed and pulled out some popcorn and began passing it around.  
  
Suddenly, Gimli noticed precisely 100 feet away from Tina's Transportation Shop, was Justin, trying to figure out why the camel had stopped. Sharice was standing by, looking rather annoyed.  
  
"Look! It's Justin Timberlake!" Gimli shouted.  
  
"Who cares?" Angela asked, throwing popcorn at Aragorn and Squall.  
  
"Weren't we killing him or something?" Frodo asked, and passed out again.  
  
"Oh. fine. I think Squall's pretty much won this anyways." Angela said, turning to the two guys rolling over and over on top of each other. "Hey, guys! Stop envying a yaoi scene and let's go!"  
  
Squall and Aragorn immediately got up.  
  
"It's Justin! He must die!" Aragorn shouted, and limped over to where Justin and Sharice were.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID CAMEL!?!?!" Justin cried. The camel just stood there, no matter what he tried. The camel sighed. It was a very lonely camel.  
  
"I told you not to rent that camel! God, I can't believe how stupid you are!" Sharice said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Hey! I thought you were supposed to be my biggest fan!" Justin whined.  
  
Sharice smacked him for impertinence. Suddenly, they both noticed the remaining Fellowship and Angela and Squall coming towards them. Justin screamed like a little girl and began kicking the camel in the butt. The camel smiled and took a few steps forward.  
  
"Stupid camel!" Justin shouted.  
  
Finally Aragorn reached them.  
  
"Justin Timberlake, you must die!"  
  
"No! I can't die! I just released a new CD! I. I. think of all the fan girls that will hate you!"  
  
"Are you kidding? Your fan girls don't scare me! I have my own set of fan girls! Very nice looking ones too!" Aragorn replied.  
  
"You do?" Angela asked.  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"How come I've never met them?"  
  
"Because they are invisible."  
  
"Yeah right." Angela rolled her eyes.  
  
"Now, Justin must die!" Aragorn said again. But Justin hid behind Frodo and Sam, who were playing ping-pong with condom-covered bananas. So of course, Aragorn accidentally killed them both. And the Author did grin, because she didn't like Frodo anyways.  
  
Justin was elated. "Yes! It worked again! I can't believe it-" then Justin fell flat on his face.  
  
"Ooooooh, look! A shiny object!" Sharice cried, never mind that two hobbits just died a horrible death.  
  
"Where?" Justin cried. He picked it up, and lo and behold it was the One Ring!  
  
Suddenly, Jamie the Magic Fairy floated down and smacked Justin in the head with her wand.  
  
"Ouch! What was that for?" Justin asked, rubbing his head gingerly.  
  
"Initiation!" She replied.  
  
"What?" everyone asked.  
  
"This is to proclaim Justin the new Ring-bearer!" she replied.  
  
"Me? Why me?" Justin asked.  
  
"Because you'll never amount to anything. If you die, no one will suffer, notice or care!" Jamie the Magic Fairy explained.  
  
"Oh.. Hey, wait a minute!" Justin said.  
  
"Sorry, no refunds." Jamie replied, and floated away.  
  
"Whoa. that is so deep." Sharice said.  
  
"So Justin's the new Ring-bearer? Does that mean I can't kill him?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"No." Gimli replied.  
  
"Good!" Aragorn said, raising his sword.  
  
But then, Justin screamed like a girl and ran away again.  
  
"Wait for me!" Sharice cried, and ran after him.  
  
"Oh darn, they got away." Angela said.  
  
"We can't let that happen!" Merry said.  
  
"Oh yes we can. We have to save Legolas, remember? I have my priorities after all." Angela replied.  
  
"Hey! What are you people doing in Lothlorien?" The Fellowship and Angela and Squall turned to see Galadriel. "Get out now!"  
  
"We were just leaving! We didn't wanna see your stupid mirror anyways!" Angela shouted.  
  
"You didn't?"  
  
"No."  
  
Galadriel thought about it for a moment. She was still thinking when the Fellowship and Angela and Squall left. 


	3. Mindless Maniacs Marching in Mordor

Chapter 3: Mindless Maniacs Marching in Mordor  
  
(Justin and Sharice are suddenly in the Dead Marshes on their way to Mordor.)  
  
Justin: How come we're suddenly in script format?  
  
Sharice: So the author can annoy you.  
  
Justin: Dammit, Angela! Leave me the hell alone! *looks for something to throw at Angela, and finds a book out of nowhere* Ah, this will do nicely. *throws the book at the author*  
  
Author: Ow! That really hurt! *strikes Justin with lightning*  
  
(Justin falls down burnt to a crisp, but just gets up again)  
  
Justin: Ow. You stupid-!  
  
(Author hits Justin with lightning again. Justin falls down and gets up again.)  
  
Justin: .ow.  
  
Sharice: You dumbass! Don't you know never to mess with the author?  
  
Justin: What?  
  
Sharice: ................... Never mind.  
  
Justin: I don't get it.  
  
(Justin and Sharice continue on. Suddenly, Gollum appears!)  
  
Justin: Ack!  
  
Sharice: Ew!  
  
Gollum: What?  
  
Sharice: You stink!  
  
Gollum: Don't sssssssay that! Y-you're hurting my feelingsssss! *sniff* I may be a hideous monsssssster, but I am still sssssenssssitve! Gollum..  
  
Sharice: So?  
  
Justin: What do you want?  
  
Gollum: Ssssmeagol can help you!  
  
Justin: Do what?  
  
Gollum: Take the Ring to Mordor!  
  
Justin: Why?  
  
Gollum: Becausssssse, Frodo..  
  
Justin: I'm not Frodo.  
  
Gollum: *without the accent* You're not?  
  
Sharice: Hells no!  
  
Gollum: Then where are Frodo and Sam?  
  
Justin: They're dead.  
  
Gollum: They are?  
  
Sharice: YES!  
  
Gollum: But that's not in the script.  
  
Sharice: It is now.  
  
Gollum: Then who are you?  
  
Justin: Well, I'm Justin Timberlake.  
  
Gollum: THAT DOES IT! I QUIT! Tell Peter Jackson I'm gonna sue!  
  
(Gollum walks away.)  
  
Justin: Well. that was nice.  
  
Sharice: Whatever.  
  
(They start to walk again, when suddenly Todrey appears.)  
  
Sharice: HOLY FUCKING ASSCRACKERS!  
  
Todrey: That's right!  
  
Sharice: Hell do you want? *latches on to Justin's arm*  
  
Todrey: I'm going to take the Ring and kill you both!  
  
Justin: That was remarkably straight-forward.  
  
Todrey: Right. well. GIVE ME THE RING!  
  
Justin: What if I don't want to?  
  
Todrey: You have no choice!  
  
Justin: It's a free country!  
  
(Justin gets struck with lightning again.)  
  
Todrey: *laughs* I told you!  
  
(Todrey uses her anime power to make herself look all scary-like. Justin starts to cry.)  
  
Todrey: Now, I am going to KILL you both!  
  
Todrey's Dad: Todrey? Are you trying to kill innocent people again?  
  
(Todrey immediately turns back to normal.)  
  
Todrey: No.  
  
Todrey's Dad: Yes you are! I can see you from this parallel dimension! Go to your room right now!  
  
Todrey: *sulking* Sorry, Sharice. I'm going to have to kill you and Justin when I get un-grounded.  
  
(Todrey starts to float away.)  
  
Todrey's Dad: And stop that!  
  
(Todrey stops floating and walks away.)  
  
Sharice: Right. *looks around and sees that Justin has already run away in fright* Oh no! I have to catch up with Justin!  
  
(Sharice starts running after him. Up ahead, a boy is looking up into a tree. His kitten is stuck in it.)  
  
Boy: Hello, miss? Can you help me, please? My kitten is stuck in that tree! I can't climb, and if I don't get her down in the next three minutes, she'll have an asthma attack!  
  
Kitten: Meow! *hack* *hack* Meow! *cough* *hack*  
  
Boy: Oh no! It's starting!  
  
Sharice: I don't have time for your stupid cat! I have to catch up with Justin!  
  
(Sharice runs by them. Eventually, she comes to an old lady lying in quicksand.)  
  
Old Lady: Excuse me, miss! I've fallen into this quicksand, and I just can't get up! Will you help me before I sink into the mud?  
  
(Sharice steps on her and gets over the quicksand easily.)  
  
Sharice: No time for you, old bag!  
  
Old Lady: How rude! *sinks into the mud*  
  
(Sharice keeps running. Suddenly, Legolas runs up to her. He is wearing a green leaf shaped thong.)  
  
Legolas: Sharice! Due to an evil conspiracy set up by Staci the Interdimensional Pimp, I'm being subdued by a bunch of manic maniac rabid fan girls!  
  
Sharice: Sorry! I have no time to waste! I have to catch up with Justin!  
  
Legolas: B-but, tomorrow is Thursday night!  
  
Sharice: JUST DEAL WITH IT!  
  
(Legolas watches sadly as Sharice runs away. Suddenly, the fan girls appear behind him again.)  
  
Fan girl #1: OH MY GOD! IT'S HIM!  
  
Fan girl #2: He's so dreamy!  
  
Fan girl #3: His voice is like velvet on naked skin!  
  
Fan girl #4: DIBS ON THE THONG!  
  
Fan girl #1: HELLS NO, BITCH!  
  
(The fan girls start fighting amongst themselves. Legolas takes the opportunity to escape into another dimension.)  
  
(Meanwhile, Sharice has finally caught up with Justin)  
  
Sharice: Oh, Justin! *grabs him and gives him a big hug* You wouldn't believe all the crap I had to go through to.  
  
(Sharice suddenly realizes that Legolas was wearing a thong. Justin gets all scared.)  
  
Sharice: Hey Justin. how come you never wear a thong for me?  
  
(Suddenly, Justin is wearing a blue-camouflage thong.)  
  
Sharice: OH THANK YOU GOD!  
  
Justin: Aw, crap.  
  
Sharice: Lookin' sexy, there.  
  
Justin: Don't even start.  
  
Sharice: Alright. *pats his butt.*  
  
(They exeunt!) 


	4. Scene 42

Chapter 4: Scene 42  
  
The remains of the Fellowship and Angela and Squall were camping in a dark scary forest. Angela had long since dragged Squall away, saying she'd "spent a whole twenty cents and by dammit she was gonna get her money's worth, though that was gonna take a while because Squall was at best a two cent whore." The Fellowship secretly pitied Squall.  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fellowship had come across quite a predicament. They had run out of rations waiting for them, (they had been gone for like, a week,) and were starting to get irritable. Suddenly, Angela and Squall returned.  
  
"My god in heaven, why you aren't a one cent whore, I'll never figure out." Angela said to a rather dejected looking Squall. Angela looked at the rest of the Fellowship.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Turn those frowns around! I know!" Angela whipped out a microphone from seemingly no where.  
  
"Aragorn. this song is dedicated to you, my friend." She took a deep breath, and began to sing: "I do both Jake and Jane! They make me feel the same! It's rushing to my brain! I like both Jake and Jane!"  
  
"For the last time, Angela! I am NOT gay!" Aragorn shouted, causing a giggle from both Merry and Pippin.  
  
"Sure you aren't." Angela said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Angela, we have a more important crisis on hand!" Gimli shouted.  
  
"Yes! We're out of food!" Pippin said with a pout.  
  
"But we've got plenty of crack!" Merry shouted, with a puff.  
  
"Well. eat that!" Angela said.  
  
"Silly humans! Crack is for smoking, not eating!" Merry replied.  
  
"Okay. well, we could always eat Squall. Wipe that smirk off your face, Aragorn. I mean 'eat' as in 'putting sustenance into your body,' not as in 'suck,' or 'blow.'" Angela said with a smirk.  
  
Aragorn looked somewhat disappointed.  
  
Squall glared at all of them. "No one is eating ME."  
  
"Okay, maybe the rest of us could like, draw straws. Whoever gets the short straw, gets to be eaten! Dun dun DUN!" Angela shouted.  
  
So they all drew straws. and Merry got the short one.  
  
"No! That's not fair!" Merry cried, like the sore loser that he is.  
  
"What's fair is fair, Merry. We drew straws. you lost."  
  
"But. but. Pippin! You're my best friend!"  
  
"Good bye, Merry! I'll miss you!" Pippin said.  
  
Suddenly, the little white owl from "Harry Potter" flew down and landed on a tree.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!" Pippin screamed.  
  
"It's an OWL!" Merry screamed.  
  
"It's an EVIL owl!" Angela screamed.  
  
Everyone screamed at the sight of the vicious owl. The owl just sat there and stared at them.  
  
Suddenly, Legolas jumped out of nowhere and shot the owl. And so, Hedwig met her god in whom I do not believe.  
  
Everyone sighed in relief. Then, Harry Potter flew down on his broomstick.  
  
"Oh no! Not Hedwig!" Harry Potter said, and started to cry.  
  
So Legolas put him out of his misery too. And so, Harry Potter met his god in whom I do not believe.  
  
Then, everyone got up and did a victory dance to the backdrop of the "Final Fantasy Victory Theme." Suddenly, it dawned on them that Legolas was there.  
  
"Hey. weren't you Staci's prisoner?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I escaped somehow." Legolas replied.  
  
"Well, that explains everything!" Angela replied.  
  
"At least now we don't have to eat Merry." Gimli replied.  
  
"Yes, and now we can have barbequed obnoxious boy wizard and stewed evil owl!" Aragorn said.  
  
"Alright, but first, I must offer a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree!" Angela said with glee.  
  
"Wait a minute, I almost died, and all this time you had candy!?!?!" Merry asked.  
  
"Circle of life, kid." Angela replied.  
  
So Angela made a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree. The Tree bit her, and in a rage, she cut it down. They used its humble branches to eat Harry Potter and his stupid owl. Then, they all got up and left.  
  
"Doesn't it feel like maybe we're missing something?" Gimli asked.  
  
"No, not really." Aragorn replied.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Many different animals were having a grand old time, feasting merrily on Boromir's rotting carcass. 


End file.
